/page/2

hello again

I miss you…but the feeling is not as strong as last weekend’s. Are you who I want to be with? my left brain says no but right says yes. rationalising it, i dont want but my feelings wants. is it supposed to feel like this?

i feel a quiet but very strong feeling about this.
will it stay with me for a lifetime?

i feel a quiet but very strong feeling about this.

will it stay with me for a lifetime?

Keep dancing and soon you’ll find that there is a distinct rhythm that YOU and LIFE share. ~ Regina, Perpetual optimism

Keep dancing and soon you’ll find that there is a distinct rhythm that YOU and LIFE share. ~ Regina, Perpetual optimism

uniqueness which i love.

uniqueness which i love.

(Source: anurbanexperience, via allthatshoes)

had my 2nd (and sadly also the last) contemp jazz dance class yesterday. the teacher used Cosmic Love by Florence and The Machine for the new choreography and i really enjoyed the movement my body is going through together with this music. I’ve to thank the teacher for her good choreo which goes well with the choice of music. l like her style.

i think i’m at the start of my turning point towards excellence and a happier peaceful life. i really hope and want my life to be this way from now on, owing much thanks to HB for his 1 hour conversation with me on thursday to set me thinking on being more organised and on track. i’ve also made up my mind before i started year 3 that i will change for the better if i want to do well academically, personally and for the greater good for the society which comes with huge responsibility on my part. 

the secret is, i’m so afraid that i’ll return back to my old habits and unrealistic self-expections which never fail to cause me crumbling down again and again in the past.

i only have myself to keep me on track…and since it’s been a good start…(i actually understood what the lecturers were talking about in class for every lesson)… it will and can only maintain this way or better.

All the best to me in working very hard and maintaining realistic expectations!

I believe in myself!

hope my audition for the scholar’s programme for ballet and contemporary will go well and enjoyable tomorrow!(:

Source: perpetual optimism facebook page by Regina Slaughter.
FIRST DAY of Y3S1. it was nerve-wrecking yet exciting!

Source: perpetual optimism facebook page by Regina Slaughter.

FIRST DAY of Y3S1. it was nerve-wrecking yet exciting!

Good people bring out the good in other people

4 weeks at st. luke’s was the best CE i went to so far! lots of encouraging learning went on there. beautiful people and environment. the culture of passion and care is overwhelming. really awesome place for patients and therapists!!

i’m sincerely grateful for everything during my short stint there. i’ll always remember the greatness that went on and is still going on at st. luke’s. really touching place to be.

it’s THE place to be. 

Source: 

Credit goes to:
Hanif Kureishi is a playwright, screenwriter, filmmaker, novelist and short-story writer.
My 13-year-old son wandered into the street and said he’d like to have a go with the rope. I handed it over, and he began to fling himself in all directions at once, crisscrossing his arms, hopping and tripping from foot to foot while doing a Cossack impression; then he did the whole thing backward, singing a Beatles song. It was moving and educational to be so instructed by one’s son. I hoped an opportunity for retribution would soon present itself.
My son, who can skip and sing, found it difficult, for a long time, to read and write at the level of others his age. At primary school he was castigated, even insulted and punished, for his inability. After experts were called in, he was investigated and berated some more, and finally labeled dyslexic and dyspraxic.
There is, at least, some relief in diagnosis. One is not alone but belongs to a community of others who seem to have a similar condition. But can the inability to do a particular thing be described as a “condition” at all? Would the fact that I can’t do the tango, read music or speak Russian be considered a “condition”? Is it a failure of my development? Am I ill?
I was not much impressed by the imagination and curiosity of the experts: they used an awkward, objectifying language that sounded borrowed rather than earned, and none made the elementary connection between my competence at reading and writing and the boy’s inability, or refusal. And it usually isn’t long, with experts, before they begin to talk, fashionably, about brains and chemicals. Biological determinism is one of psychology’s ugliest evasions, removing the poetic human from any issue.
An appeal to the pseudo-certainties of science might seem finally to settle any question. But this is a moral issue rather than a scientific one; values are at stake here — not facts. It is in the irritating human realm where the interesting difficulties are, and where one might have to really think about and deal with an individual’s history, circumstances and reactions. It is the attempted standardization of a human being and of a notion of achievement that is limiting, prescriptive and bullying.
An 18-year-old acquaintance of one of my older sons mentioned that he’d been given Ritalin by a doctor, with his parents’ consent. He couldn’t concentrate at school; his mind, he said, kept scattering off in different directions. He couldn’t get anything done. He felt he was falling behind in life. And it was depressing him. I said that perhaps the teachers were dull, or that he had other, more pressing things on his mind. But he insisted that the drug focused him. He asked me whether, given the choice, I wouldn’t prefer to focus at will.
This is a good question, and I thought about the virtues of being focused and what could be achieved with the full beam of concentration, within an intense, charmed circle of attention, when the mind, feeling and will are linked. As a teenager, in particular, I wanted to be good at things, to shine, but like the Ritalin boy, I fell badly behind at school, finding myself not only unable to learn but at the bottom of my class. I walked out of secondary school, and a semi-skinhead violent street culture, with three “O” levels, feeling as if I’d been badly beaten for five years. Fortunately I could tell myself it was still the late ’60s, I was a rebel and didn’t fit in — no one with any imagination could.
When I consider that wretched period now, I can see I wasn’t enjoying a creative distraction, a vacation from the drudgery of a bad education, but was enduring a tantrum. Having shut myself off, I was suffering from a form of intellectual anorexia — the refusal to be given anything, to take anything in. As a result of that self-stymieing, I lost hope and believed I’d never catch up or achieve anything. It was a short period in my life, but I haven’t forgotten that early deficit. Sometimes I wonder if I’m still compensating for it.       
I still have childhood memories of being humiliated by my father at home in the London suburbs. In India Dad had, apparently, been brilliant at cricket, squash and boxing. As a young man I could never reach his level; nor did we have the facilities or sunshine to help provide the opportunity. Or perhaps Dad made sure I could not keep up with him. Whichever it was, my father mostly wanted to be a writer and, it turned out, he wasn’t great at that. He did not give up, but he was never as good as he wanted to be, and his writing efforts yielded him little satisfaction or self-esteem, particularly as I began to succeed.
It was a relief for me eventually to discover some competence as a writer, though this was later, and it took me a long time to see its value.
When I was failing — and it was very isolating — I envied the love and accolades that the competent and the clever received. I thought that everyone would want such attention and admiration, and that it would lift their spirits. Competence, for me, was even preferable to beauty, since any consideration received was earned and deserved.
For me, now, things do get done; books are finished, and other projects are started that are also finished. They take the time they take, and the breaks are as important as the continuities. Only a fool would think that someone should be able to bear boredom and frustration for long hours at a time and that this would be an achievement.
WHAT I might have said to my son’s friend is that it is incontrovertible that sometimes things get done better when you’re doing something else. If you’re writing and you get stuck, and you then make tea, while waiting for the kettle to boil the chances are good ideas will occur to you. Seeing that a sentence has to have a particular shape can’t be forced; you have to wait for your own judgment to inform you, and it usually does, in time. Some interruptions are worth having if they create a space for something to work in the fertile unconscious. Indeed, some distractions are more than useful; they might be more like realizations and can be as informative and multilayered as dreams. They might be where the excitement is.
You could say that attention needs to be paid to intuition; that one can learn to attend to the hidden self, and there might be something there worth listening to. If the Ritalin boy prefers obedience to creativity, he may be sacrificing his best interests in a way that might infuriate him later. A flighty mind might be going somewhere.
I might have been depressed as a teenager, but I wasn’t beyond enjoying some beautiful distractions. Since my father had parked a large part of his library in my bedroom, when I was bored with studying I would pick up a volume and flip through it until I came upon something that interested me. I ended up finding, more or less randomly, fascinating things while supposedly doing something else. Similarly, while listening to the radio, I became aware of artists and musicians I’d otherwise never have heard of. I had at least learned that if I couldn’t accept education from anyone else, I might just have to feed myself.
From this point of view — that of drift and dream; of looking out for interest; of following this or that because it seems alive — Ritalin and other forms of enforcement and psychological policing are the contemporary equivalent of the old practice of tying up children’s hands in bed, so they won’t touch their genitals. The parent stupefies the child for the parent’s good. There is more to this than keeping out the interesting: there is the fantasy and terror that someone here will become pleasure’s victim, disappearing into a spiral of enjoyment from which he or she will not return.
It is true, however, that many people have spent their lives being distracted, keeping away, often unknowingly, from that which they most want, thus brewing in themselves a poison of disappointment, bitterness and despair. But there are still, as the Ritalin boy seemed to know, forms of distraction that can be far more harmful. We can attack ourselves unknowingly: we might call this corrupted desire, as if we are being inhabited by a demon whose whispers are cruel diminutions of the self, destroying creativity and valuable connections, until enervation and self-hatred make a living death.
It is said that distractions are too easy to come by now that most writers use computers, though it’s just as convenient to flee through the mind’s window into fantasy. In the end, a person requires a method. He must be able to distinguish between creative and destructive distractions by the sort of taste they leave, whether they feel depleting or fulfilling. And this can work only if he is, as much as possible, in good communication with himself — if he is, as it were, on his own side, caring for himself imaginatively, an artist of his own life.  
As we as a society become desperate financially, and more regulated and conformist, our ideals of competence become more misleading and cruel, making people feel like losers. There might be more to our distractions than we realized we knew. We might need to be irresponsible. But to follow a distraction requires independence and disobedience; there will be anxiety in not completing something, in looking away, or in not looking where others prefer you to. This may be why most art is either collaborative — the cinema, pop, theater, opera — or is made by individual artists supporting one another in various forms of loose arrangement, where people might find the solidarity and backing they need.

Source:

The Sunday Review

Credit goes to:

Hanif Kureishi is a playwright, screenwriter, filmmaker, novelist and short-story writer.

My 13-year-old son wandered into the street and said he’d like to have a go with the rope. I handed it over, and he began to fling himself in all directions at once, crisscrossing his arms, hopping and tripping from foot to foot while doing a Cossack impression; then he did the whole thing backward, singing a Beatles song. It was moving and educational to be so instructed by one’s son. I hoped an opportunity for retribution would soon present itself.

My son, who can skip and sing, found it difficult, for a long time, to read and write at the level of others his age. At primary school he was castigated, even insulted and punished, for his inability. After experts were called in, he was investigated and berated some more, and finally labeled dyslexic and dyspraxic.

There is, at least, some relief in diagnosis. One is not alone but belongs to a community of others who seem to have a similar condition. But can the inability to do a particular thing be described as a “condition” at all? Would the fact that I can’t do the tango, read music or speak Russian be considered a “condition”? Is it a failure of my development? Am I ill?

I was not much impressed by the imagination and curiosity of the experts: they used an awkward, objectifying language that sounded borrowed rather than earned, and none made the elementary connection between my competence at reading and writing and the boy’s inability, or refusal. And it usually isn’t long, with experts, before they begin to talk, fashionably, about brains and chemicals. Biological determinism is one of psychology’s ugliest evasions, removing the poetic human from any issue.

An appeal to the pseudo-certainties of science might seem finally to settle any question. But this is a moral issue rather than a scientific one; values are at stake here — not facts. It is in the irritating human realm where the interesting difficulties are, and where one might have to really think about and deal with an individual’s history, circumstances and reactions. It is the attempted standardization of a human being and of a notion of achievement that is limiting, prescriptive and bullying.

An 18-year-old acquaintance of one of my older sons mentioned that he’d been given Ritalin by a doctor, with his parents’ consent. He couldn’t concentrate at school; his mind, he said, kept scattering off in different directions. He couldn’t get anything done. He felt he was falling behind in life. And it was depressing him. I said that perhaps the teachers were dull, or that he had other, more pressing things on his mind. But he insisted that the drug focused him. He asked me whether, given the choice, I wouldn’t prefer to focus at will.

This is a good question, and I thought about the virtues of being focused and what could be achieved with the full beam of concentration, within an intense, charmed circle of attention, when the mind, feeling and will are linked. As a teenager, in particular, I wanted to be good at things, to shine, but like the Ritalin boy, I fell badly behind at school, finding myself not only unable to learn but at the bottom of my class. I walked out of secondary school, and a semi-skinhead violent street culture, with three “O” levels, feeling as if I’d been badly beaten for five years. Fortunately I could tell myself it was still the late ’60s, I was a rebel and didn’t fit in — no one with any imagination could.

When I consider that wretched period now, I can see I wasn’t enjoying a creative distraction, a vacation from the drudgery of a bad education, but was enduring a tantrum. Having shut myself off, I was suffering from a form of intellectual anorexia — the refusal to be given anything, to take anything in. As a result of that self-stymieing, I lost hope and believed I’d never catch up or achieve anything. It was a short period in my life, but I haven’t forgotten that early deficit. Sometimes I wonder if I’m still compensating for it.       

I still have childhood memories of being humiliated by my father at home in the London suburbs. In India Dad had, apparently, been brilliant at cricket, squash and boxing. As a young man I could never reach his level; nor did we have the facilities or sunshine to help provide the opportunity. Or perhaps Dad made sure I could not keep up with him. Whichever it was, my father mostly wanted to be a writer and, it turned out, he wasn’t great at that. He did not give up, but he was never as good as he wanted to be, and his writing efforts yielded him little satisfaction or self-esteem, particularly as I began to succeed.

It was a relief for me eventually to discover some competence as a writer, though this was later, and it took me a long time to see its value.

When I was failing — and it was very isolating — I envied the love and accolades that the competent and the clever received. I thought that everyone would want such attention and admiration, and that it would lift their spirits. Competence, for me, was even preferable to beauty, since any consideration received was earned and deserved.

For me, now, things do get done; books are finished, and other projects are started that are also finished. They take the time they take, and the breaks are as important as the continuities. Only a fool would think that someone should be able to bear boredom and frustration for long hours at a time and that this would be an achievement.

WHAT I might have said to my son’s friend is that it is incontrovertible that sometimes things get done better when you’re doing something else. If you’re writing and you get stuck, and you then make tea, while waiting for the kettle to boil the chances are good ideas will occur to you. Seeing that a sentence has to have a particular shape can’t be forced; you have to wait for your own judgment to inform you, and it usually does, in time. Some interruptions are worth having if they create a space for something to work in the fertile unconscious. Indeed, some distractions are more than useful; they might be more like realizations and can be as informative and multilayered as dreams. They might be where the excitement is.

You could say that attention needs to be paid to intuition; that one can learn to attend to the hidden self, and there might be something there worth listening to. If the Ritalin boy prefers obedience to creativity, he may be sacrificing his best interests in a way that might infuriate him later. A flighty mind might be going somewhere.

I might have been depressed as a teenager, but I wasn’t beyond enjoying some beautiful distractions. Since my father had parked a large part of his library in my bedroom, when I was bored with studying I would pick up a volume and flip through it until I came upon something that interested me. I ended up finding, more or less randomly, fascinating things while supposedly doing something else. Similarly, while listening to the radio, I became aware of artists and musicians I’d otherwise never have heard of. I had at least learned that if I couldn’t accept education from anyone else, I might just have to feed myself.

From this point of view — that of drift and dream; of looking out for interest; of following this or that because it seems alive — Ritalin and other forms of enforcement and psychological policing are the contemporary equivalent of the old practice of tying up children’s hands in bed, so they won’t touch their genitals. The parent stupefies the child for the parent’s good. There is more to this than keeping out the interesting: there is the fantasy and terror that someone here will become pleasure’s victim, disappearing into a spiral of enjoyment from which he or she will not return.

It is true, however, that many people have spent their lives being distracted, keeping away, often unknowingly, from that which they most want, thus brewing in themselves a poison of disappointment, bitterness and despair. But there are still, as the Ritalin boy seemed to know, forms of distraction that can be far more harmful. We can attack ourselves unknowingly: we might call this corrupted desire, as if we are being inhabited by a demon whose whispers are cruel diminutions of the self, destroying creativity and valuable connections, until enervation and self-hatred make a living death.

It is said that distractions are too easy to come by now that most writers use computers, though it’s just as convenient to flee through the mind’s window into fantasy. In the end, a person requires a method. He must be able to distinguish between creative and destructive distractions by the sort of taste they leave, whether they feel depleting or fulfilling. And this can work only if he is, as much as possible, in good communication with himself — if he is, as it were, on his own side, caring for himself imaginatively, an artist of his own life.

As we as a society become desperate financially, and more regulated and conformist, our ideals of competence become more misleading and cruel, making people feel like losers. There might be more to our distractions than we realized we knew. We might need to be irresponsible. But to follow a distraction requires independence and disobedience; there will be anxiety in not completing something, in looking away, or in not looking where others prefer you to. This may be why most art is either collaborative — the cinema, pop, theater, opera — or is made by individual artists supporting one another in various forms of loose arrangement, where people might find the solidarity and backing they need.

The shape of happiness might resemble glass. even though you don’t usually notice it, its still definitely there. You merely have to change your point of view slightly, and then that glass will sparkle when it reflects the light. I doubt that anything else could argue its own existence more eloquently.
– Code Geass!

Keep them in mind

“Success is the ability to go from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm.”

-Sir Winston Churchill
 

“You either wait for things to happen or you make it happen.”

-Matthew Hussey

The 5 Qualities of Remarkable Bosses

1. Develop every employee.

2. Deal with problems immediately.

3. Rescue your worst employee.

4. Serve others, not yourself.

5. Always remember where you came from, and be gracious with your stardom.

Downstairs. a very flavourful local shoot.

12 principles of good death

  • to be able to retain control of what happenes
  • to have control over pain relief and other symptom control
  • to have choice and control over where death occurs (at home or elsewhere)
  • to have access to hospice care in any location, not only in hospital
  • to have control over who is present and who shares the end
  • to be able to issue advance directives which ensure wishes are respected
  • to know when death is coming, and to understand what can be expected
  • to be afforded dignity and privacy
  • to have access to information and expertise of whatever kind is necessary
  • to have access to any spiritual or emotional support required
  • to have time to say goodbye, and control over other aspects of timing
  • to be able to leave when it is time to go, and not to have life prolonged pointlessly

-Debate of the Age Health and Care Study Group (1999). The Future of Health and Care of Older People

    -Anon. (Read at the funeral of the Queen Mother, April 2002)

    You can shed tears that she has gone
    or you can smile because she has lived.

    You can close your eyes and pray that she’ll come back
    or you can open your eyes and see all she’s left.

    Your heart can be empty because you can’t see heer
    or you can be full of the love you shared.

    You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday
    or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

    You can remember her and only that she’s gone
    or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.

    You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back
    or you can do what she’d want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.

    Bereavement- ‘Caring for the dying at home’

    Stages of grief:

    • initial shock
    • pangs of grief
    • despair
    • adjustment

    Abnormal grief reactions:

    • chronic (the most common)
    • delayed (no grieving, followed by a later reaction)
    • exaggerated (perhaps leading to the development of phobias)
    • masked (eg. by alcoholism)

    “Have things ever got so bad that you’ve thought of ending it all?”

    • enquiring suicidal thoughts
    • Most common causes of death after bereavement are liver cirrhosis, heart disease, suicide, road accident or other violent deaths.

    Some people find it helpful to be reminded that this is a pain but it is not meaningless, it is the other side of love -

    ‘Everything has its price and the price of love is pain’

    - and there are ways in which we learn deep lessons through the pain.

    hello again

    I miss you…but the feeling is not as strong as last weekend’s. Are you who I want to be with? my left brain says no but right says yes. rationalising it, i dont want but my feelings wants. is it supposed to feel like this?

    i feel a quiet but very strong feeling about this.
will it stay with me for a lifetime?

    i feel a quiet but very strong feeling about this.

    will it stay with me for a lifetime?

    Keep dancing and soon you’ll find that there is a distinct rhythm that YOU and LIFE share. ~ Regina, Perpetual optimism

    Keep dancing and soon you’ll find that there is a distinct rhythm that YOU and LIFE share. ~ Regina, Perpetual optimism

    uniqueness which i love.

    uniqueness which i love.

    (Source: anurbanexperience, via allthatshoes)

    had my 2nd (and sadly also the last) contemp jazz dance class yesterday. the teacher used Cosmic Love by Florence and The Machine for the new choreography and i really enjoyed the movement my body is going through together with this music. I’ve to thank the teacher for her good choreo which goes well with the choice of music. l like her style.

    i think i’m at the start of my turning point towards excellence and a happier peaceful life. i really hope and want my life to be this way from now on, owing much thanks to HB for his 1 hour conversation with me on thursday to set me thinking on being more organised and on track. i’ve also made up my mind before i started year 3 that i will change for the better if i want to do well academically, personally and for the greater good for the society which comes with huge responsibility on my part. 

    the secret is, i’m so afraid that i’ll return back to my old habits and unrealistic self-expections which never fail to cause me crumbling down again and again in the past.

    i only have myself to keep me on track…and since it’s been a good start…(i actually understood what the lecturers were talking about in class for every lesson)… it will and can only maintain this way or better.

    All the best to me in working very hard and maintaining realistic expectations!

    I believe in myself!

    hope my audition for the scholar’s programme for ballet and contemporary will go well and enjoyable tomorrow!(:

    Source: perpetual optimism facebook page by Regina Slaughter.
FIRST DAY of Y3S1. it was nerve-wrecking yet exciting!

    Source: perpetual optimism facebook page by Regina Slaughter.

    FIRST DAY of Y3S1. it was nerve-wrecking yet exciting!

    Good people bring out the good in other people

    4 weeks at st. luke’s was the best CE i went to so far! lots of encouraging learning went on there. beautiful people and environment. the culture of passion and care is overwhelming. really awesome place for patients and therapists!!

    i’m sincerely grateful for everything during my short stint there. i’ll always remember the greatness that went on and is still going on at st. luke’s. really touching place to be.

    it’s THE place to be. 

    Source: 

Credit goes to:
Hanif Kureishi is a playwright, screenwriter, filmmaker, novelist and short-story writer.
My 13-year-old son wandered into the street and said he’d like to have a go with the rope. I handed it over, and he began to fling himself in all directions at once, crisscrossing his arms, hopping and tripping from foot to foot while doing a Cossack impression; then he did the whole thing backward, singing a Beatles song. It was moving and educational to be so instructed by one’s son. I hoped an opportunity for retribution would soon present itself.
My son, who can skip and sing, found it difficult, for a long time, to read and write at the level of others his age. At primary school he was castigated, even insulted and punished, for his inability. After experts were called in, he was investigated and berated some more, and finally labeled dyslexic and dyspraxic.
There is, at least, some relief in diagnosis. One is not alone but belongs to a community of others who seem to have a similar condition. But can the inability to do a particular thing be described as a “condition” at all? Would the fact that I can’t do the tango, read music or speak Russian be considered a “condition”? Is it a failure of my development? Am I ill?
I was not much impressed by the imagination and curiosity of the experts: they used an awkward, objectifying language that sounded borrowed rather than earned, and none made the elementary connection between my competence at reading and writing and the boy’s inability, or refusal. And it usually isn’t long, with experts, before they begin to talk, fashionably, about brains and chemicals. Biological determinism is one of psychology’s ugliest evasions, removing the poetic human from any issue.
An appeal to the pseudo-certainties of science might seem finally to settle any question. But this is a moral issue rather than a scientific one; values are at stake here — not facts. It is in the irritating human realm where the interesting difficulties are, and where one might have to really think about and deal with an individual’s history, circumstances and reactions. It is the attempted standardization of a human being and of a notion of achievement that is limiting, prescriptive and bullying.
An 18-year-old acquaintance of one of my older sons mentioned that he’d been given Ritalin by a doctor, with his parents’ consent. He couldn’t concentrate at school; his mind, he said, kept scattering off in different directions. He couldn’t get anything done. He felt he was falling behind in life. And it was depressing him. I said that perhaps the teachers were dull, or that he had other, more pressing things on his mind. But he insisted that the drug focused him. He asked me whether, given the choice, I wouldn’t prefer to focus at will.
This is a good question, and I thought about the virtues of being focused and what could be achieved with the full beam of concentration, within an intense, charmed circle of attention, when the mind, feeling and will are linked. As a teenager, in particular, I wanted to be good at things, to shine, but like the Ritalin boy, I fell badly behind at school, finding myself not only unable to learn but at the bottom of my class. I walked out of secondary school, and a semi-skinhead violent street culture, with three “O” levels, feeling as if I’d been badly beaten for five years. Fortunately I could tell myself it was still the late ’60s, I was a rebel and didn’t fit in — no one with any imagination could.
When I consider that wretched period now, I can see I wasn’t enjoying a creative distraction, a vacation from the drudgery of a bad education, but was enduring a tantrum. Having shut myself off, I was suffering from a form of intellectual anorexia — the refusal to be given anything, to take anything in. As a result of that self-stymieing, I lost hope and believed I’d never catch up or achieve anything. It was a short period in my life, but I haven’t forgotten that early deficit. Sometimes I wonder if I’m still compensating for it.       
I still have childhood memories of being humiliated by my father at home in the London suburbs. In India Dad had, apparently, been brilliant at cricket, squash and boxing. As a young man I could never reach his level; nor did we have the facilities or sunshine to help provide the opportunity. Or perhaps Dad made sure I could not keep up with him. Whichever it was, my father mostly wanted to be a writer and, it turned out, he wasn’t great at that. He did not give up, but he was never as good as he wanted to be, and his writing efforts yielded him little satisfaction or self-esteem, particularly as I began to succeed.
It was a relief for me eventually to discover some competence as a writer, though this was later, and it took me a long time to see its value.
When I was failing — and it was very isolating — I envied the love and accolades that the competent and the clever received. I thought that everyone would want such attention and admiration, and that it would lift their spirits. Competence, for me, was even preferable to beauty, since any consideration received was earned and deserved.
For me, now, things do get done; books are finished, and other projects are started that are also finished. They take the time they take, and the breaks are as important as the continuities. Only a fool would think that someone should be able to bear boredom and frustration for long hours at a time and that this would be an achievement.
WHAT I might have said to my son’s friend is that it is incontrovertible that sometimes things get done better when you’re doing something else. If you’re writing and you get stuck, and you then make tea, while waiting for the kettle to boil the chances are good ideas will occur to you. Seeing that a sentence has to have a particular shape can’t be forced; you have to wait for your own judgment to inform you, and it usually does, in time. Some interruptions are worth having if they create a space for something to work in the fertile unconscious. Indeed, some distractions are more than useful; they might be more like realizations and can be as informative and multilayered as dreams. They might be where the excitement is.
You could say that attention needs to be paid to intuition; that one can learn to attend to the hidden self, and there might be something there worth listening to. If the Ritalin boy prefers obedience to creativity, he may be sacrificing his best interests in a way that might infuriate him later. A flighty mind might be going somewhere.
I might have been depressed as a teenager, but I wasn’t beyond enjoying some beautiful distractions. Since my father had parked a large part of his library in my bedroom, when I was bored with studying I would pick up a volume and flip through it until I came upon something that interested me. I ended up finding, more or less randomly, fascinating things while supposedly doing something else. Similarly, while listening to the radio, I became aware of artists and musicians I’d otherwise never have heard of. I had at least learned that if I couldn’t accept education from anyone else, I might just have to feed myself.
From this point of view — that of drift and dream; of looking out for interest; of following this or that because it seems alive — Ritalin and other forms of enforcement and psychological policing are the contemporary equivalent of the old practice of tying up children’s hands in bed, so they won’t touch their genitals. The parent stupefies the child for the parent’s good. There is more to this than keeping out the interesting: there is the fantasy and terror that someone here will become pleasure’s victim, disappearing into a spiral of enjoyment from which he or she will not return.
It is true, however, that many people have spent their lives being distracted, keeping away, often unknowingly, from that which they most want, thus brewing in themselves a poison of disappointment, bitterness and despair. But there are still, as the Ritalin boy seemed to know, forms of distraction that can be far more harmful. We can attack ourselves unknowingly: we might call this corrupted desire, as if we are being inhabited by a demon whose whispers are cruel diminutions of the self, destroying creativity and valuable connections, until enervation and self-hatred make a living death.
It is said that distractions are too easy to come by now that most writers use computers, though it’s just as convenient to flee through the mind’s window into fantasy. In the end, a person requires a method. He must be able to distinguish between creative and destructive distractions by the sort of taste they leave, whether they feel depleting or fulfilling. And this can work only if he is, as much as possible, in good communication with himself — if he is, as it were, on his own side, caring for himself imaginatively, an artist of his own life.  
As we as a society become desperate financially, and more regulated and conformist, our ideals of competence become more misleading and cruel, making people feel like losers. There might be more to our distractions than we realized we knew. We might need to be irresponsible. But to follow a distraction requires independence and disobedience; there will be anxiety in not completing something, in looking away, or in not looking where others prefer you to. This may be why most art is either collaborative — the cinema, pop, theater, opera — or is made by individual artists supporting one another in various forms of loose arrangement, where people might find the solidarity and backing they need.

    Source:

    The Sunday Review

    Credit goes to:

    Hanif Kureishi is a playwright, screenwriter, filmmaker, novelist and short-story writer.

    My 13-year-old son wandered into the street and said he’d like to have a go with the rope. I handed it over, and he began to fling himself in all directions at once, crisscrossing his arms, hopping and tripping from foot to foot while doing a Cossack impression; then he did the whole thing backward, singing a Beatles song. It was moving and educational to be so instructed by one’s son. I hoped an opportunity for retribution would soon present itself.

    My son, who can skip and sing, found it difficult, for a long time, to read and write at the level of others his age. At primary school he was castigated, even insulted and punished, for his inability. After experts were called in, he was investigated and berated some more, and finally labeled dyslexic and dyspraxic.

    There is, at least, some relief in diagnosis. One is not alone but belongs to a community of others who seem to have a similar condition. But can the inability to do a particular thing be described as a “condition” at all? Would the fact that I can’t do the tango, read music or speak Russian be considered a “condition”? Is it a failure of my development? Am I ill?

    I was not much impressed by the imagination and curiosity of the experts: they used an awkward, objectifying language that sounded borrowed rather than earned, and none made the elementary connection between my competence at reading and writing and the boy’s inability, or refusal. And it usually isn’t long, with experts, before they begin to talk, fashionably, about brains and chemicals. Biological determinism is one of psychology’s ugliest evasions, removing the poetic human from any issue.

    An appeal to the pseudo-certainties of science might seem finally to settle any question. But this is a moral issue rather than a scientific one; values are at stake here — not facts. It is in the irritating human realm where the interesting difficulties are, and where one might have to really think about and deal with an individual’s history, circumstances and reactions. It is the attempted standardization of a human being and of a notion of achievement that is limiting, prescriptive and bullying.

    An 18-year-old acquaintance of one of my older sons mentioned that he’d been given Ritalin by a doctor, with his parents’ consent. He couldn’t concentrate at school; his mind, he said, kept scattering off in different directions. He couldn’t get anything done. He felt he was falling behind in life. And it was depressing him. I said that perhaps the teachers were dull, or that he had other, more pressing things on his mind. But he insisted that the drug focused him. He asked me whether, given the choice, I wouldn’t prefer to focus at will.

    This is a good question, and I thought about the virtues of being focused and what could be achieved with the full beam of concentration, within an intense, charmed circle of attention, when the mind, feeling and will are linked. As a teenager, in particular, I wanted to be good at things, to shine, but like the Ritalin boy, I fell badly behind at school, finding myself not only unable to learn but at the bottom of my class. I walked out of secondary school, and a semi-skinhead violent street culture, with three “O” levels, feeling as if I’d been badly beaten for five years. Fortunately I could tell myself it was still the late ’60s, I was a rebel and didn’t fit in — no one with any imagination could.

    When I consider that wretched period now, I can see I wasn’t enjoying a creative distraction, a vacation from the drudgery of a bad education, but was enduring a tantrum. Having shut myself off, I was suffering from a form of intellectual anorexia — the refusal to be given anything, to take anything in. As a result of that self-stymieing, I lost hope and believed I’d never catch up or achieve anything. It was a short period in my life, but I haven’t forgotten that early deficit. Sometimes I wonder if I’m still compensating for it.       

    I still have childhood memories of being humiliated by my father at home in the London suburbs. In India Dad had, apparently, been brilliant at cricket, squash and boxing. As a young man I could never reach his level; nor did we have the facilities or sunshine to help provide the opportunity. Or perhaps Dad made sure I could not keep up with him. Whichever it was, my father mostly wanted to be a writer and, it turned out, he wasn’t great at that. He did not give up, but he was never as good as he wanted to be, and his writing efforts yielded him little satisfaction or self-esteem, particularly as I began to succeed.

    It was a relief for me eventually to discover some competence as a writer, though this was later, and it took me a long time to see its value.

    When I was failing — and it was very isolating — I envied the love and accolades that the competent and the clever received. I thought that everyone would want such attention and admiration, and that it would lift their spirits. Competence, for me, was even preferable to beauty, since any consideration received was earned and deserved.

    For me, now, things do get done; books are finished, and other projects are started that are also finished. They take the time they take, and the breaks are as important as the continuities. Only a fool would think that someone should be able to bear boredom and frustration for long hours at a time and that this would be an achievement.

    WHAT I might have said to my son’s friend is that it is incontrovertible that sometimes things get done better when you’re doing something else. If you’re writing and you get stuck, and you then make tea, while waiting for the kettle to boil the chances are good ideas will occur to you. Seeing that a sentence has to have a particular shape can’t be forced; you have to wait for your own judgment to inform you, and it usually does, in time. Some interruptions are worth having if they create a space for something to work in the fertile unconscious. Indeed, some distractions are more than useful; they might be more like realizations and can be as informative and multilayered as dreams. They might be where the excitement is.

    You could say that attention needs to be paid to intuition; that one can learn to attend to the hidden self, and there might be something there worth listening to. If the Ritalin boy prefers obedience to creativity, he may be sacrificing his best interests in a way that might infuriate him later. A flighty mind might be going somewhere.

    I might have been depressed as a teenager, but I wasn’t beyond enjoying some beautiful distractions. Since my father had parked a large part of his library in my bedroom, when I was bored with studying I would pick up a volume and flip through it until I came upon something that interested me. I ended up finding, more or less randomly, fascinating things while supposedly doing something else. Similarly, while listening to the radio, I became aware of artists and musicians I’d otherwise never have heard of. I had at least learned that if I couldn’t accept education from anyone else, I might just have to feed myself.

    From this point of view — that of drift and dream; of looking out for interest; of following this or that because it seems alive — Ritalin and other forms of enforcement and psychological policing are the contemporary equivalent of the old practice of tying up children’s hands in bed, so they won’t touch their genitals. The parent stupefies the child for the parent’s good. There is more to this than keeping out the interesting: there is the fantasy and terror that someone here will become pleasure’s victim, disappearing into a spiral of enjoyment from which he or she will not return.

    It is true, however, that many people have spent their lives being distracted, keeping away, often unknowingly, from that which they most want, thus brewing in themselves a poison of disappointment, bitterness and despair. But there are still, as the Ritalin boy seemed to know, forms of distraction that can be far more harmful. We can attack ourselves unknowingly: we might call this corrupted desire, as if we are being inhabited by a demon whose whispers are cruel diminutions of the self, destroying creativity and valuable connections, until enervation and self-hatred make a living death.

    It is said that distractions are too easy to come by now that most writers use computers, though it’s just as convenient to flee through the mind’s window into fantasy. In the end, a person requires a method. He must be able to distinguish between creative and destructive distractions by the sort of taste they leave, whether they feel depleting or fulfilling. And this can work only if he is, as much as possible, in good communication with himself — if he is, as it were, on his own side, caring for himself imaginatively, an artist of his own life.

    As we as a society become desperate financially, and more regulated and conformist, our ideals of competence become more misleading and cruel, making people feel like losers. There might be more to our distractions than we realized we knew. We might need to be irresponsible. But to follow a distraction requires independence and disobedience; there will be anxiety in not completing something, in looking away, or in not looking where others prefer you to. This may be why most art is either collaborative — the cinema, pop, theater, opera — or is made by individual artists supporting one another in various forms of loose arrangement, where people might find the solidarity and backing they need.

    The shape of happiness might resemble glass. even though you don’t usually notice it, its still definitely there. You merely have to change your point of view slightly, and then that glass will sparkle when it reflects the light. I doubt that anything else could argue its own existence more eloquently.
    – Code Geass!

    Keep them in mind

    “Success is the ability to go from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm.”

    -Sir Winston Churchill
     

    “You either wait for things to happen or you make it happen.”

    -Matthew Hussey

    The 5 Qualities of Remarkable Bosses

    1. Develop every employee.

    2. Deal with problems immediately.

    3. Rescue your worst employee.

    4. Serve others, not yourself.

    5. Always remember where you came from, and be gracious with your stardom.

    Downstairs. a very flavourful local shoot.

    12 principles of good death

    • to be able to retain control of what happenes
    • to have control over pain relief and other symptom control
    • to have choice and control over where death occurs (at home or elsewhere)
    • to have access to hospice care in any location, not only in hospital
    • to have control over who is present and who shares the end
    • to be able to issue advance directives which ensure wishes are respected
    • to know when death is coming, and to understand what can be expected
    • to be afforded dignity and privacy
    • to have access to information and expertise of whatever kind is necessary
    • to have access to any spiritual or emotional support required
    • to have time to say goodbye, and control over other aspects of timing
    • to be able to leave when it is time to go, and not to have life prolonged pointlessly

    -Debate of the Age Health and Care Study Group (1999). The Future of Health and Care of Older People

      -Anon. (Read at the funeral of the Queen Mother, April 2002)

      You can shed tears that she has gone
      or you can smile because she has lived.

      You can close your eyes and pray that she’ll come back
      or you can open your eyes and see all she’s left.

      Your heart can be empty because you can’t see heer
      or you can be full of the love you shared.

      You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday
      or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

      You can remember her and only that she’s gone
      or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.

      You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back
      or you can do what she’d want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.

      Bereavement- ‘Caring for the dying at home’

      Stages of grief:

      • initial shock
      • pangs of grief
      • despair
      • adjustment

      Abnormal grief reactions:

      • chronic (the most common)
      • delayed (no grieving, followed by a later reaction)
      • exaggerated (perhaps leading to the development of phobias)
      • masked (eg. by alcoholism)

      “Have things ever got so bad that you’ve thought of ending it all?”

      • enquiring suicidal thoughts
      • Most common causes of death after bereavement are liver cirrhosis, heart disease, suicide, road accident or other violent deaths.

      Some people find it helpful to be reminded that this is a pain but it is not meaningless, it is the other side of love -

      ‘Everything has its price and the price of love is pain’

      - and there are ways in which we learn deep lessons through the pain.

      hello again
      Good people bring out the good in other people
      "The shape of happiness might resemble glass. even though you don’t usually notice it, its still definitely there. You merely have to change your point of view slightly, and then that glass will sparkle when it reflects the light. I doubt that anything else could argue its own existence more eloquently."
      Keep them in mind
      12 principles of good death
      -Anon. (Read at the funeral of the Queen Mother, April 2002)
      Bereavement- ‘Caring for the dying at home’

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